about you.

—all about your whispered words

and your rain drenched splendour,

quiet and full of stealth your waters

will swallow me whole and

I will have surrendered. Today,

its all about you.

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About why we’re never meant to be

The early morning sunshine and you with your milk coffee—a vignette not quite for me,

Because baby,

I’m made of bittersweet black coffees
and late night film-watching sprees.

Dark skin, darker chocolates
and even darker dreams,
don’t really fit in the whiteness of your New York City penthouse dream.

And you with your love for neon signs,
forever oblivious to my trust in the night,

with your earphone music in your
tubelit office at midday never noticing the green garden below,

with your obsession with edges
and all the while I keep falling off them

with your sense of incredulity about my
daily contentment derived from a sunset behind cloudy mountains

with your mania for store bought yogurt
when I taught you how to curdle milk at home

with your compulsive notion of enforcing boundaries
while talking about breaking mine.

So, when I think of what it is I fell in love with

I think,
was it your light brown eyes that appeared a little skeptical in the cafeteria light

Was it
the (deliberately) unsure way you touched your perfect hair,

Was it
my misinterpretation of your confession for the starlit sky

except,
your love was of the patches seen through windows
and in between concrete jungles?

You knew and I now see,
our love was doomed from the beginning
Because baby,

you:
hate the pause of journey in between two cities,
the loneliness which you must fill with parties,
hate my bougainvillea filled balcony and
the occasional worms that crawl out singing,
You hate the sense of comings and goings
and that is the

gap

I exist in.

Alienation

“A self-destructive person feels completely alienated, utterly alone. They’re an outsider to they human community. They think to themselves, “I must be insane.” What they fail to realize is that society has, just as they do, a vested interest in considerable losses and catastrophes. These wars, famines, floods and quakes meet well-defined needs. Human beings want chaos. In fact, they’ve got to have it.
Depression, strife, riots, murder, all this dread. We’re irresistibly drawn to that almost orgiastic state created out of death and destruction. It’s in all of us. We revel in it.
Sure, the media tries to put a sad face on these things, painting them up as great human tragedies. But we all know the function of the media has never been to eliminate the evils of the world, no. Their job is to persuade us to accept those evils and get used to living with them. The powers that be want us to be passive observers. Hey, you got a match?
And they haven’t given us any other options outside the occasional, purely symbolic, participatory act of voting. You want the puppet on the right or the puppet on the left? I feel that the time has come to project my own inadequacies and dissatisfactions into the socio-political and scientific schemes, let my own lack of a voice be heard.”

(Pours gasoline all over herself and lights herself on fire)

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– On alienation. Waking Life (modified)